Yesterday we looked at the definitions of conflict. We said there will be disagreements in a marriage family once in a while. But what is important is that it should not end up being a conflict. One of the definitions was that a conflict is a contentious or sharp and irreconcilable disagreement over interest, ideas, beliefs, etc. We, therefore, said in order to avoid such would be to consider different views on an issue and have a way of reaching an agreement.
Today we shall look at some causes of conflict and how they can be avoided.
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Pro 26:4
Do you see a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope for a fool than for him. Pro 29:20
There may be many reasons for conflict. But here are some of the causes of family conflicts, which need to be worked out or avoided.
1) Communication problems
If the way communication between a husband and wife or among family members is not properly handled, it may lead to conflict. Just look at the first scripture. If the other communicates foolishly and then you decide to respond in the same manner, you become like him. But one of you has to be wiser in response.
2) Unwilling to forgive each other
The fact that we are unique from each other, there will be overstepping at times. Embrace differences and celebrate them instead of allowing them to divide you. Learn to forgive each other unconditionally. That will make your marriage or family last for a lifetime.
3) The feeling of inferiority or superiority complex
One that feels either inferior or superior can cause problems that lead to conflict. In such cases, if you suffer from either of the two extremes you will always suspect the actions of your spouse or family member. You will suspect that actions are either a sign of looking down upon you or disrespect. Such may be due to the feeling of inferiority or superiority complex. Believe in yourself according to the Word of God. Develop your self- confidence. Each one is for the other. There should be no competition in the family. Complement each other.
4) Poor financial management
Any extreme on financial issues can cause problems. A lot of money or lack of it may cause or lead to conflict in a marriage or family. Are all people with lots of money experiencing peace in their marriages or families? Are those in financial lack experiencing peace in their marriages or families? Honestly speaking, not all of marriages or families experiencing either of the extremes experience a good life. There is a need to bring balance. Finances need to be handled or managed well.
5) Selfish Desires
A better way of handling a marriage or family is to seek the best of the other(s). But if there is one always seeking his way i.e. selfish, there will be trouble. Take care of the desires of others.
6) Lack of love and empathy
Love in a family needs to be guarded and protected like a garden. Nourish it. Otherwise, it may die. Love your spouse and your family members.
7) Deliberate rejection of God’s will
Never fight the will of God over your life. Find His will for your life and the family. After finding it, stick to it. Do not allow a fish to swallow you unnecessarily like Jonah who was running away from the will of God. God’s will is the best.
8) Interference of in-laws
As a couple and family, have a better way of dealing with in-laws. Otherwise, there may be conflicts, which may cause fights in your family.
9) Suppressed frustration, anger, and grudges
Never harbor anger and grudges in your life. When there is something troubling you, share it with your loved one. Otherwise, you may end up venting your frustrations on wrong people.
Let me conclude by restating that conflict in marriage or family is not healthy. It is very important to properly deal with disagreements, disharmony, collision, strife, etc. It is important to enjoy your marriage life and family. Time may look long but it is short. So learn to enjoy every moment of it.
Blessings! God loves you.